2022-04-23 - Cross My Heart (Who's Neurotic, You're Neurotic)

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Gif of screaming Lisa Simpson

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Help. I'm being repressed.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : (several minutes later) ugh these college girls

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : What? No. I'm not being repressed by college girls. Are you? Nevermind. I NEED HELP. HELP ME, ITZHAK KENOBI, YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : It's about a girl, though.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Yes I am, wtf are talking about?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Soooo there's a girl who's come on my boat a few times.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Oh shit okay okay okay tell me everything

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Hang on making myself a Malibu

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Right. So you know me. I'm the guy who don't notice shit until they've given up. And then I sit around and do nothing because I figure they've given up, and that's probably why Hyacinth got tired of me before things even got heated up. I don't want to fuck it up again.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : So there's this girl and I did think she's kind of hot and cute but also, she's interested in someone else. You know how it is -- don't let yourself get worked up over something that's not on the menu anyhow.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Okay go on, name names

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Names aren't important, damnit. I think. Are they?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Anyway, you know me, I figured that at the time I start to notice this girl's something extra, she's long past checking me out and kind of moving towards someone else. The way it usually works. And then, almost out of nowhere, the other day, she's telling me that she could see something happen between us down along the road.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : And now I've got to really not fuck this up. Don't want to come across too strong, don't want to come across like I'm not interested.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : So what did you say to her?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Running around screaming gif

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Lol

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Well, uh. To be honest, it's a little hazy. Like, I think I had a bit of an aneurysm or something. I think I said something about I'd like to find out too.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Look, she's smart, hot, and funny. People shouldn't be allowed to score on all three, it's not fair.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Good, good, we're on the right track

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Right?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I got to not do that thing where they end up thinking I'm not actually interested. Pretty sure that's what I fucked up with Hyacinth. Don't want to do that again, might as well just call the whole thing off right now then.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Maybe, maybe not, ain't important. You're interested right? You sound interested

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Smart. Hot. Funny. Seems to like me. I'd be interested if she was seventy.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : It's funny right? It doesn't always matter. Sometimes you just meet someone and you know

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : You have no idea how much time I spent angsting about this to myself before I decided to give in and text you instead. How do you know? Maybe I'm just desperate. Maybe she's desperate. What if it's like this Zoey girl who apparently was dropping me all the hints, and when I didn't get them, she up and left town again?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : That girl didn't leave town because you didn't bang her

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Okay okay what is it ya need

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Well, no, probably not, but she did lose interest in me hard.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I got to figure out how to signal I'm interested without being creepy.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : ...hang on so you're asking me?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Out of you and me, who's the one who usually manages to signal he's interested but not creepy, even when he's not interested at all?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Dude, Brennon fell head over heels for you before you even finished a cup of coffee.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Christ I really feel called out

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Be my guru.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Dude. Rosencrantz. PAL.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I'm fucking dying, you want me to tell you how to flirt with a girl?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I need to somehow make sure Scullins knows I'm interested but I'm not pushy. Without her thinking I'm just not bothering.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I don't care if you substitute a bloke in your mind!

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Goddamnit, Rosencrantz, the idea of me wanting to flirt with somebody is not supposed to be that hilarious.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I'm wheezing

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I hate you.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I like girls, I just get dumped by em

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Yes. Well. My track to date is try to dump one and get stalked her across the world after she died. And get not-even-dumped by another. You win. And I need to not fuck this up.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I told her about Benedikte. I mean, that I'm terrified of shit happening. And it might not even all be just anxiety, you know?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Hey it's gonna be okay. You're gonna survive a girl liking you, promise

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Look it's not hard, okay pretend I'm the girl, tell me something flirty. Like tell me I'm pretty but in a funny way

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Probably. Because I'm probably going to manage to do nothing long enough that this girl ends up feeling I don't actually care much whether she's around or not. See what I'm afraid of here? If I jump into it I may have an angry ghost trying to claw her face off. If I don't, she may end up looking for someone who actually acts like he gives a shit.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : ...

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : You're pretty, but in a funny way.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : -duck-

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Get an angry ghost I'll beat the shit out of her again.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : How the fuck do you tell someone they're pretty without sounding like you're only interested in the outside?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Okay jesus fucking Christ I'll start

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Hi, nice boobs you got there, mind if I borrow them?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Recommend not saying anything about boobs

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : She dyed her hair this dark shade of blue that fades to her own red and it's hypnotising me.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Great! That's great

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Tell her that

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : If I'd joined a Tibetan convent instead I wouldn't have these problems.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : It's not too late

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : OK, so, she said she'd like to see if something grows. And we've gone sailing a couple of times. And I think she enjoys it. Now what?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I mean, she didn't do the 'I brought a bottle of wine and now I accidentally have to sit in your lap' thing so I figure it's not just about finding some guy who isn't already banging someone else.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : You took her sailing? Fuck yeah good call

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : She's a marine biologist. I mean, sailing is something to do and talk about that we both enjoy.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : ARIADNE?????

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Oh fuck.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Out of my league, I know.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I met some hot little redhead marine biologist and her name was Ariadne

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Yeaaah, that's her. Not a lot of sizzling redhead marine biologists named Ariadne.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I liked her, hell I'd ask her out myself, she's into you? Hell yeah brother

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Please calm my raging insecurities and tell me she didn't climb up your front and tell you do to do her over the coffee counter.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Nah, she criticized my taste in superheroes

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I like that in a girl

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I mean, I'm not going to -- if you want to ask her out, I mean, I'm not going to get mad. You know me. That whole decision is with the girl -- if she wants me, I don't need to feel threatened. If I feel threatened, she didn't want me.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Not gonna so quit talking like that

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Fine, fine, just wanted that clear. I'm not territorial.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I know you're not buddy

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : But yeah, she's got strong opinions. I like that. I don't want to have to guess at what somebody is thinking. And she's got a sharp wit, I like that. Give me a run for my money on bad jokes.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Also hey this might be kinda awkward, but your eyes are gorgeous, you know that?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : ... Are you high?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I'm demonstrating, you dweeb, also yes but that's beside the point

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Look, last time somebody said something along those lines I accidentally triggered a sprinkler system and ruined a karaoke bar.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Okay. So. Do I try to kiss her or do I wait for her try to kiss me? Explain it to me like I'm ten, damnit. I really, really need to not fuck this up.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Girls love it when you kiss em first, ime. Actually de la Vega loved it too. Don't tell him I said that but man, putty. Just saying. The thing is, girls really like it when you act like you know what you want. Well guys too. You like it from her, well she's going to like it from you too

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Girls love it when you know what you want, unless what you want isn't what they want. Woman works retail. Want to take a bet that neither of us can even guess how many time some asshole's thought flirting with the barista meant he got to pat her arse in passing?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : So don't get handsy, they don't like that

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KISS SOMEONE WITHOUT TOUCHING THEM

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : You want a demonstration of that too?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : .. Verbal explanation, plz.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Lean in, let her see it, go slow, touch her cheek or her hand or something, kiss her. Look everybody loves it when you touch em in like regular non creepy places

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Everyone except me, anyway.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Am I a creep? Stupid weed paranoia but seriously

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : No, of course not. I'm the one with touch issues. Dude, you're the opposite of a creep. You're a guy who for some reason makes a lot of people want to tear off their clothes and get into things right there on the dance floor, and you don't abuse it. That's -- anti-creep, if anything.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I'm just insecure as hell because I know I do that thing where I wait too long. And I have a shitload of issues people have to either deal with or bail on.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : And I'm sitting here at stupid o'clock and remembering how you looked at me when you found Bennie's shoes on my boat and you were all, so are you banging your boss' wife or what. And I hadn't even considered that that might be an option. Seriously hadn't even dawned on me. And then there's Hyacinth, telling me to schedule a date with her PA and me being too proud to apply for a date with somebody's secretary like I'm an insurance salesman.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Man, everybody's got issues. Them girls who wanna climb my pole so bad, they're out as soon as they see I'm just a big autistic dork who got messed up in prison

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Unlike me who's a skinny neurotic dweeb who got messed up by his ex and his mum.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Yeah, you're right. I'm just... I want to talk myself out of trying and I want you to talk me into trying.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : So try. She already told you she's into it. What do you have to lose

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Her. Also, you're boring when you're right. Now I have to be an adult about it and go get the thing I want. What happened to good old nervous breakdowns? Anyhow. Think I might interest you in hanging out sometime, all three of us? That's... another thing, I kind of want my best friend and my girl to get along.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Being an adult is overrated, take her somewhere and play for her. Put some emotion into it, like you did in Central Park.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Yeah of course, I like her, she didn't try to jump on me and she has opinions about Black Widow. She owes Hunter hot chocolate

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : You two are going to unite in weird superhero fandom against me, aren't you.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Oh buddy, you think I'm bad alone? You ain't seen nothing yet

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Also, she -- I told her I will play for her sometime. She asked me about it. I told her how I don't usually. With an audience, I mean. And that I would like to play for her. Sometime. Oh god, I'm blushing at my bloody phone.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Perfect, underpromise and overdeliver

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : She plays the piano. I need a piano.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Keyboard, might not be able to fit a piano in her place

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I don't think the rest of the apartment complex would appreciate us playing there. But I could get a keyboard into the garage maybe? Or in your g---or one of those keyboards you can pack up and move, then all three of us could play at yours sometime too.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : How do you think I practiced in New York? I never lived in a house until de la Vega

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : What I did in Copenhagen was go down to one of the parks and plonk down a hat. People think it sounds awful they'll just hurry on. They like it, they have a bit of nice in their day. No complaints from my dorm mates.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : I just practiced in the apartment is my freaking point

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Yeah people would pound on the walls sometimes, so what, it's manhattan, there's worse to suffer than a fiddler next door

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I mean, Copenhagen isn't Manhattan but it's not exactly quiet either. I just didn't want my dorm mates to know. I was already the eccentric rich kid slumming it, you know?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : You get some grumpy room-mate going 'I bet at home you have an entire sound studio' in that tone of voice once and you just don't ever bring it up again, ever, never, ever.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Jesus. I feel kinda terrible because I just got laid like tile when I played for people

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Maybe I could have been if my response had been 'maybe, whatcha gonna do about it' instead of packing up and pretending I don't even know the word 'violin'. Think it's more of an attitude thing.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : What, you saying I have an attitude

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Dude, you're made of 'tude.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : It's part of why you are my Itzhak Kenobi.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Awwww haha

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Okay, can I say one super neurotic thing, like, Ravn actually is really fucked up kind of thing?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Yeah that's cool

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Scullins pieced it together -- because of a Dream and some things I said and other people said. She asked me outright if I had a title in waking life too. That sort of thing. I mean, you have no idea how much of a relief that is -- that it's out there and no one gives a fuck, least of all her.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : What's the neurotic part

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : It's the "Help, I'm afraid someone's going to realise I'm a spoiled, privileged kid" part.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Just tell her. Look, I didn't figure it out, I know, I'm a dumbass, but I still love you. Asshole

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : I don't have to, she already figured it out. It's not going to be something I need to quietly panic over for six months. Hallelujah.

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : You're good then m8

(TXT to Itzhak) Ravn : Promise?

(TXT to Ravn) Itzhak : Cross my heart