2019-05-12 - Penis Hunting Illuminati

Alexander is avoided by most of the townies - his slouchy form has enough recognition that people tend to just selectively not see him. Even when he's being a creeper. Which he is, right now. He's dressed in a too-big sweater in a mottled green that does nothing to flatter him, his hair a mess like usual, and his boots speckled with mud. And he's staring, fixedly, at a person playing games at one of the booths. It'd be horribly obvious, except something about Alexander just has the eyes sliiiiding off of him. Unless you have that little something special, in which case he stands out even more.

That little something special. Everyone has it, right?

No. Not everyone. Baylee does though, and she has begun noticing it more and more in those that do since she arrived to town, which is mildly bothersome in its own way. But she's chill, she's dealing with it in the best way a person can. She is flat ignoring it at the moment. Which means that up until she spots Alexander being creepy, she's moved past anyone else that has that little something-something. But when she lands on him stalking the person playing the games she slides right up next to him, arms crossing, "What'd they do?"

Speaking of people who stand out -- particularly if you have that little something special, but at the moment, even if you don't -- Aidan's managed to gather a small crowd, where he's set up just down the way, between a couple of the boardwalk food booths. Catch 'em between the churros and the funnel cakes, that's the strategy. And it's cool enough out that warm junk food's calling to a fair few of the passersby. He's wearing faded jeans, well-broken-in Docs, and a closely fitting green t-shirt featuring the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; from the design and the state of the printing, it's either older than he is or really wishes it were. And along with that, a legit top hat and tailcoat, with a red silk ascot arranged around his neck.

From where they are, if they listened, they might be able to catch the slightly raised voice: "...and we tap it twice and... is this your card?" The reply is muffled, but from the mild clapping and a whistle or two, it was probably "yes." He shuffles his cards behind his extremely small and rather tall little wooden table, then sweeps the somewhat beat-up hat off with a bow, and looks quite pleased when several of the viewers drop coins in.

Alexander twitches as the unknown person comes up close and speaks. It's unusual enough that he actually breaks his concentration to stare at her. And then narrows his eyes as he picks up on that something special. "Member of the Illuminati," he says, tersely. Is he joking? "I don't know you. And you're not from around here. Who are you?" While he's staring at her with much too much directness for any polite conversation, his target, a middle-aged blond woman with glasses and a hairwrap, drifts away from the stall, and approaches Aidan's crowd. Alexander catches the movement out of the corner of his eye, and curses quietly. He starts eeling his way closer to the magician, his hands in his pockets in a way that may raise alarms.

So very many alarms, but also....Baylee seems like she's finding this entire situation to be way too much fun. "Baylee." She offers the answers of who she is without looking bothered by the rather abrupt and impolite directness. "So you're saying this woman..." She nods towards the woman in question, "Is a member of a supposedly unreal, but perhaps real, secret society that is all about making people rich or famous for their soul?" She subscribes to the social media conspiracy theories on who the Illuminati are. Like Kanye.

When she spots who the magician is she heads that direction with a little more directness than Alexander and his creeper-stalking approach.

Aidan's patter isn't too bad, if maybe somehow just a tiny bit off. The viewers just seem to find it amusing, though, and hey, there's no Illuminati in it. Not currently, at least! He tips the hat and lets the coins tumble neatly from it into his pocket, which is not the worst trick itself, if minor. "Okay! I need a volunteer, who wants to volunteer? Won't hurt a bit, I promise. Unless you're a hypochondriac, and that's not my fault anyway."

There's the usual amount of jostling and joshing about who's going to volunteer, before someone gets volunteered by his drunk friends, and Aidan flashes the reluctant volunteer an incredibly toothy grin. "Don't worry, I don't bite. Not during this show anyhow. Here," he hands the guy a bit of paper, an envelope, and a ballpoint pen, "Write a word on that piece of paper, and seal it in the envelope. I'll turn around, so you know I can't see it." He does, rather ostentatiously, though the effect's slightly marred by the pause when he catches sight of Baylee approaching and flashes her a brilliant grin. It makes Alexander's approach clearer too, looking that way, and that... something about the guy gets him a more interested look than he might otherwise have merited, as well.

Aidan's patter attracts most of the attention of the crowd, all eyes turned to him. The woman moves close, oohing and ahhing with delight. Of course, clever eyes might notice that her hands stay down, except for little flickers out to the pockets and bags of people watching the show. There's more than one magician here tonight, and she specializes in making things disappear.

"Baylee. That's hardly a name. And that's nonsense from rap videos," Alexander mutters, although he gives her a look of grudging interest at the fact that she knows at least that much. "But no. Probably not. Whatever my client thinks." He sounds disappointed. The Illuminati are interesting! A pickpocket is less so. Aidan's look in his direction gets a flat stare in return, but he keeps getting closer! Close enough now that the townies are edging away, with a couple of groans, and at least muttered, "Don't ruin the show, asshole."

One hand is lifted upwards, fingers wiggling in Aidan's direction, but she doesn't interrupt his show. Evidently that'll be Alexander's job, judging by the townies that are grumbling.

"Your client?" Baylee wonders, giving Alexander a once over before she tilts her head back, laughing at some thought, "Let me guess." She lifts a hand up to her face, fingers rubbing against her chin, "You were hired because she..." She points briefly towards the woman, "Picked up a John, rolled him for his wallet and ring, and he told his wife they were lost at a convention, and he wants you have to figure out where she tossed it." She's joyously making up random shit, because then she shakes her head. "No, wait, wait. She stole the wrong wallet one day, and there were launch codes written on a scrap of paper."

Patter makes a pretty decent distraction. Shame that woman's not sharing her take; surely Aidan could make a case for earning some of it. If he noticed it was happening, which there's really no sign to suggest he does. Alexander's flat stare doesn't seem to bother him particularly, but the ripple of edging and other reactions, that could be an issue...

"Choose your word carefully," he instructs the volunteer, mostly to try to draw attention back, if the frankly unnecessary drama in the tone is any indication, "...and not, like, password or 1 2 3 4 5 or qwerty or something, that's just asking for people to break into your mind and steal all your delicious secrets, like that one thing that happened last spring break you don't want anyone knowing about, you know the one... all done?" Yes, yes he is, after some far too amused whispers from his buddies and a flash of unease at the words that turns into smugness as he seals the envelope. It'd be easier to be impressed by that touch of discomfort if the guy's buddy weren't wearing a T under his hoodie that reads 'Delta Beta Delta Spring Break 2019, Cancun', but hey, not everyone pays attention to these details.

Aidan turns around, taking off his hat as he does and setting it down, then holds out the other hand for the envelope. Holding it to his now bare forehead, he makes a fair show of concentrating, eyes narrowed and focused first on the volunteer, then up into empty air just above. After a couple seconds, the envelope quite suddenly bursts into flame, and Aidan drops it onto the table in apparent surprise. "Whoa!" he exclaims, and yanks a handkerchief out of his pocket to smother the little fire. He pats it firmly several times before lifting the fabric to see what's left -- just a little flat pile of ash. "Oops," he remarks sheepishly, "...guess I was thinking too hard." It gets a giggle from a fair few of the audience -- those who aren't still trying to ignore Alexander so hard it's their real main focus, anyway. That group doesn't include the magician; he glances at the guy again, curious, if only on the way to lifting his brows to Baylee. He surely can't know why she's amused, from where he is, but he looks amused right back nonetheless.

"That is an absurd story," Alexander snaps in a huff at Baylee. Then his voice goes down, and he mutters, "He thinks she's stealing the songs out of his head before he can write them." A pause. "Through his penis. Which, if you ask me, is a poor instrument with which to write, but what do I know of creativity?" Another pause. "He paid up front."

He goes very still when Aidan's envelope goes up in flames, but hey! It's a distraction. He tries to capitalize on it and reaches out to try and grab the woman's arm in a quick lunge.

He may be the only person in the entire crowd who is genuinely surprised when she turns around, slaps him with her free hand, and shouts, "Get away from me, you creep!"

"Wait...wait." Baylee is distracted from the show, although she lifts her hands to applaud for Aidan anyways. Until the lunge, and she is moving out of the way of the lunge and the subsequent slap by the woman, "Whoa..."

This is probably not what she signed up for, moving closer to where Aidan and his little table is, so that she can address him, "I was not expecting this bat shit, shit....to happen."

Aw, man. This one was going well, too! Aidan stares for a moment, even as the largest of the frat boys and a well-built older man immediately start toward the pair to save the damsel in the distress and others join him in the staring stakes or look around for someone in authority to signal. "...me neither," he replies quietly to Baylee, giving her a half-smile. Assault! And worse, definitely losing the crowd. Welp. Clearly the important thing is to try to do something about that? He puts the hat back on his head like it actually confers some sort of authority, and attempts to let that filter into his voice a bit as he says more carryingly, "Hey! What's going on over there, and who said you could be more interesting than me? ...you okay?" The latter is definitely to the woman, she appearing to be the grabbee and all, not Mister Grabber there. And the two family-sized dudes are still stalking on closer with clear intent to get in on this grabbing action, though not with her. Aidan glances from one of them to the other, adding, "C'mon, now, this boardwalk wood's ancient, you don't want to know how long it takes to scrub blood out of it..." His turn to take a quick look around for any cops, for once actually hoping to find one.

Goddamnit. Alexander doesn't have to SAY it. Every part of his body projects it. He looks like a man who just emptied his cup over a cop's head, and now has absolutely no idea why he's face down on the ground with his kidneys being introduced to Mister Boot. But he hangs on to her as she tries to pull away. "Oh, for the love of God," he mutters as the two beefy sorts close in. "She's a thief! She's stolen half your wallets and /I'm/ the creep?" Skeptical looks all around.

The pickpocket lets out a sad little cry and says, "Let me go! You're hurting me!" Because she's a much better actor than Alexander is, and quite frankly, MUCH better at playing a crowd. He snaps his attention back to her, and for people who have that little something extra, they can probably feel something building. It breaks when he snaps, "/Confess/," in a tone that brooks no argument. And yet, she resists the sudden urge to do just that perhaps longer than someone should. Eventually, though...even as her lips remain firmly closed, her free hand goes to the pockets of her coat, and empties one. Cell phones and wallets rain to the ground. She looks mortified and angry, and this time when she snatches her arm away, Alexander lets her go, and raises his hands in surrender towards the beefy sorts. "Look! There!" He glances towards Aidan and Baylee. Maybe looking for backup? Or trying to apologize for interrupting the show? Hard to say, except that he looks a little panicky.

Aidan watches this with -- well, maybe not quite fascination, but definitely interest. That command interaction, particularly, and when she turns out her pocket, he laughs. There's a hint of sympathy there, for some reason, but it's a laugh that draws some of the attention back his way as the woman tries to get out of there, now that she's been revealed. The men who were approaching look a little uncertain what to do with this, the frat boy in particular... until he recognizes one of those wallets now on the ground, and yelps an indignant, "Hey!" He shoots a glance after her as he scoops it up and puts it back in his pocket, and looks about to go after her when Aidan breaks in.

"Well, I guess I'm not the only one around here making things disappear. If you'd please bring that all up to the front, sir?" The frat boy looks a little confused, and there are still wary looks at Alexander, though maybe it helps that the magician adds a weirdly superheroesque -- so, okay, maybe kind of Tick-like, really -- "Good job being vigilant, citizen," in the guy's direction. A slightly impatient gesture to frat boy, and... holy crap, it works. He scoops the stuff up, and brings everything that isn't his own wallet up to the little table.

"Still ain't right grabbing a lady like that," the older man mutters, eyeing Alexander in a way that suggests he intends to keep a close watch on that one, but he settles as he's drawn back into the crowd by the non-pickpocket middle-aged lady he's with.

"Thank you!" Aidan tells the frat boy with a bright grin, "And if you'll all take a quick check to make sure whether you're missing anything," as if everyone hasn't already, "my lovely assistant and I," congratulations, Baylee, from that little tilt of his head, you've been shanghaied, "will make sure everything gets back to people after the show." There's some murmurs at that, but nothing that rises to a true protest before he moves on, asking the original volunteer, "You still remember your word?"

"Uh... yeah," the guy says, "but..." He looks at the sad pile of ash still on the little table, now among the wallets and phones his friend's carried up.

Aidan takes the hat back off, sweeping everything but the ash -- okay, some of the ash gets in there too -- into it and handing it over to Baylee. A quick glance to Alexander -- something that suggests an intention to talk to him once things are done as well -- and he's back to the act. "That," he tells the volunteer as he pulls another envelope from his pocket, "is why I always bring a backup."

Alexander just looks relieved that the stares are off of him. He...well, it can only be called /slinks/ away from the frat boys and the older man, shoulders hunched as he does his best to fade into the crowd. The crowd helps with this - aside from a few disgusted looks and one man about the same age as Alexander muttering, "Even a cuckoo clock gets to be right every once in a while," the townies turn their attention determinedly away from him. It's not quite shunning, but warm acceptance or thanks is definitely not in the cards. The tourists stare with more open curiosity, but when Alexander fails to provide more entertainment, and Aidan seems ready to provide /lots/ of it, their eyes and hearts are recaptured. Alexander doesn't take this opportunity to make a break for it, or try to follow the woman further. Instead, he lingers on the edge of the crowd like a stray mutt, watching the the magic act continue.

"Oh, bloody hell...." When Alexander draws the attention towards them she looks like she might be ready to slap herself in the forehead as things so very rapidly fall apart. Although between Aidan and Alexander they appear to be mostly handling it, mostly.

When Aidan hands her the hat she takes it, tucking it against her side, "I certainly will." She waves a hand towards the crowd, smiling as big and wide as she can. She's perfectly trustworthy! No...really. She then shoots Aidan a look, then Alexander, a brow lifting upwards at him as she steps away from Aidan to start looking through the items in the hat, trying to see if she can't figure out who things belong to.

The plus of wallets is, of course, that they tend to contain identification, usually driver's licenses, and that doesn't require Baylee's investigative skills to stretch much at all. Matching person and picture might, though. One'd think DMVs hired for negative photography skill. The phones might be trickier, of course. The other plus of wallets is, of course, that they tend to contain money, so how trustworthy exactly is she feeling?

Aidan is more than happy to reclaim center of attention for the moment, giving the volunteer a serious look. "Okay, I don't have a third one, so this time, just to be safe, I'm going to ask you to give me a hand. I want you to think about your word real hard, okay? Really wedge it in there." For some reason, this makes one of his buddies start snickering a little.

This envelope gets the forehead-pressing treatment as well. A pause to think, Aidan's eyes narrowing again, and he gazes off into the middle distance dramatically. "I sense... a serious attachment. Oh, yeah, definitely. This is something really important to you. I'm thinking... I sense a C... an O.... is-- is that another C?" Another little pause, and he clicks his tongue chidingly, dropping his hand from his forehead, though it's only a faux-scolding, "This is a family show, mister. But I hope you and your rooster will be very happy together." He offers the envelope to one of the guy's now cracking-up friends. "Wanna check?" Said guy knew very well what the word was, obviously, and is quite gleeful about ripping the envelope open to see the slip inside -- in his friend's writing -- and then waving it around triumphantly, as if he had some credit in this trick himself. The actual volunteer is pretty red-faced now, but laughing along with his friends, at least, even if he's also trying to grab the paper from his buddy, who's taller and plays keep-away until (although to be fair, it only takes a few seconds) the volunteer's nearly climbing him to get it.

"If I knew you wanted it that bad, I would've given it to you," Aidan declares with the level of guilelessness that clearly isn't, moving riiight along to a, "Thank you!" as laughter and light applause ripple through the group. Usually he'd pass his hat around now. Hm. Small issue, that. Oh, well; he bends down to scoop up a soda cup that he was drinking from earlier, flicks it behind him to make sure it's as empty as it's getting, and sets it out on the table. Coke-sticky money spends as well as any. Hint, hint. "If you're missing things, please stick behind and we'll see about matching you on up." A glance to Baylee, and also to Alexander... possibly he's invited to help with that if so inclined. And capable.

Alexander smiles - actually smiles, and it's an expression that doesn't look frequent or well-suited to his face - as the trick progresses. When it's over, he applauds with all the others, like a real boy. Then slips through the crowd, not apparently even needing the glanced invitation to come to rest near Baylee's orbit. "Give me names, I'll point people out," he mutters to her. "I know most of these people." It sounds more resigned than anything - but he's not wrong, and if the help is accepted, he lurks behind Baylee and Aidan, and just responds to any identifying information with a point at the right person. It doesn't even have to be a license or obvious picture IDs. Being a townie has its advantages, apparently.

How trustworthy is she? Evidently she's not going to rob people right out in the open, especially she hopes to be hired and paid by these people. Instead when Alexander comes to her side, going through the items in the hat until they are all gone. She's rather efficient about it, especially with Alexander helping, and each person gets a smile and her name, as well as a very helpful comment that she is moving into town, and if any one needs any legit investigative work to let her know. Hooray.

Then as soon as every thing is handed out, she taps the ashes out of Aidan's hat, then promptly puts it on her hand, "So seriously, this guy was thinking this bitch was stealing song ideas from him through his penis?" She reaches for Aidan to pull him closer to the pair, "I think he might have a better worst Tinder date than you."

Aidan makes a very subtle point of being the one to hand people the wallets in particular; it's only really noticeable to those who might have been in a position to do it themselves, so really, Baylee and Alexander, even if the latter isn't actually trying to do it. Maybe they were going to tip anyway, or maybe getting handed back their wallets by him really does help make them feel like they should, but one way or another, there's a half-decent amount ending up in that cup. It nearly falls over at one point -- maybe a breeze, though was there one? maybe just someone nudging the little table -- but his hand darts out to catch and stabilise it just at the last moment. Less like a trick and more like a minor habit. It's close, though, and there's a flicker of a look far more irritated than it would seem to merit. There and gone, before he's back to dealing with people, and then finally they're gone.

He takes a deep breath and then releases it, something that was On switching to Off, and is still and quiet a heartbeat before Baylee's remarks on song-stealing gets a blink, and she reaches to tug him closer. That makes him grin again, though it's more boyish. "Okay, this is a thing I gotta hear," he agrees, though he doesn't let himself be entirely pulled. Still a couple things to do; he picks up the cup, holds his pocket open, then hesitates. Coke-sticky money spends fine, yeah, but Coke-sticky pockets mean imminent laundry. He unfolds the handkerchief instead, and pours the contents into that, tying it up and popping that into his pocket, then picking up the table and making a few adjustments to it that have the legs tucking away and a strap emerging, so he can hang it over his shoulder. "...hey," he adds to Alexander, "I'm Aidan."

"Yes," Alexander says to Baylee. "It's not that unlikely." Really? Really. "The Illuminati often deploy romantic agents to attempt to squelch knowledge of their existence or reach. My client had information that would be damaging for them, but before he could put it into song form to distribute it safely among the population, he slept with that woman and the knowledge disappeared." I don't know if Tinder was used." It's conveyed with the exact, solemn intensity that someone might use in relaying a coroner's report or other factual document. His attention shifts to Aidan. "I'm sorry that I interrupted your show. It's clever, what you did with the envelopes." He reaches into his tattered jeans, pulls out a wallet that saw better days about a decade ago, and he sticks a ten in the cup. There's a fair amount of cash in his wallet - the client really did pay up front.

"Aiden," Alexander echoes, obediently. "And Baylee." His eyes narrow at Aiden for a moment as if about to make some sort of Inappropriately Prying Comment. But, instead, he turns away. "I'll remember that. I'm Alexander Clayton. I need to go." And that's it. No 'goodbye', 'nice to meet you', or 'we should grab coffee' - he just starts walking away, blending in rather well with the darkness and the dispersing crowds.

"This town is full of crazy shit." And people. But Baylee seems to be at least amused by it as she watches Alexander head off, then she shakes her head, turning her attention back to Aidan, "Right. I'm off, then, starving, and I sense a funnel cake is calling my name." Which is....right there. So she's not off far, but she does start to slide in that direction now that the weird has come to an end. Right?

"...huh," Aidan says, to the claim that the Illuminati often protect themselves by stealing thoughts sexually. The tone's not quite 'oh, that explains a lot of things', but it definitely sounds like it's entertaining the possibility more than one would generally expect. Which, to be fair, only has to mean 'at all', but in this case-- well, he'd probably listen to the evidence, if it were going to be presented. He listens to the apology and compliment instead, flashing Alexander a quick smile, which gets slightly brighter as the tip's added too. "Thanks," he says, quite sincerely, "...and it's okay, it worked out." He'd probably care more if it hadn't. It does have him glancing off the way the woman disappeared, though she has indeed entirely disappeared -- and as he looks back, Alexander's walking off to do the same.

"Huh," he says again, the words more absent as he watches the guy blend into the dimness, "...he kinda reminds me of a dude I used to know. Actually, a couple dudes I used to know." If Baylee was intending to take her leave, the hint is not taken; he looks to her when she talks, then to the funnel cake stand. "Good choice," he says, following. Hey, if nothing else, she still has his hat.