2019-07-13 - Tanking Jens

It's Saturday night, and there's zero doubt about that. There's plenty of noise, and everyone seems to be moving in a constant flow. Astrid is at the bar, loading up a tray of drinks while taking a moment to chat with the bartender. She's wearing her logo t-shirt, tied up on one hip to show off an uneven strip of skin, dark-wash denim shorts, and ankle boots. It's hot outside, which means the AC is pumping hard inside. She's mastered the right amount of makeup for this place to fit the scheme-- dark browns and hints of green that fade into a touch of blue at the corners of her eyes. Really, this shit is important, but only Ash has ever noticed. She's spinning out to drop off the drinks at Table 8-- one of those giant tables that is full of people, netting her a guaranteed tip.

Man, they better tip her. Jens gets super pissy when waitresses don't get tips. Do you know how hard they work for that shit? The doors swing open and he strolls right on in, black jeans, big sneakers, blue henley shirt, blood-brown bomber jacket. He's got his ear plugs on and he's singing to himself just as Astrid walks by, so naturally he reaches out--now that her tray is empty and she won't toss anything all over the place--and grabs her by the waist, sidling in to dance with her for a few steps. "Cuz one'a these things is not like the others; livin' in winter, I am ya summer; baby doll, when it comes to a lover; I promise that you'll never find another like..." And then he just lets her go, wandering to the bar, oblivious to stares. "MEE-HEEE-HEEEEEEEEEEE. WHOA-OH-OOOOOOH."

Astrid is dropping off the drinks, beaming with dimples and rounded cheeks. She asks if they need anything, and one asks for some extra dip for their onion rings, and she's just skating off to get that when she is heading back to the bar-- "Jens!" She squeaks his name as he snags her up to dance with her. She laughs, delighted, back sauntering with his leading steps. Then she smirks. "I don't know. Aren't all you Scandi boys alike? Pretty sure I can walk into a mead hall and find like, twenty of you. All slicked back hair, topknots, stinky." She tosses the last bit over her shoulder with a laugh before she nods him to a barstool. "Sit down, you nutball."

It's probably a good bet that Ash is around SOMEWHERE in here. Astrid doesn't go anywhere without her, right? RIGHT??!

Ash was off behind the scenes doing something, but when she reappears it is from the direction of the bathrooms and she's hitting a few last things on her phone before dropping it into a pocket. Both hands reach up, grabbing her ponytail and splitting it so that she can tighten it up. Much like a ninja tying on their head band thing. Then she is wading into the crowds, heading towards one of the tables with a bright, cheerful smile plastered on her face. Everyone should note that she's very, very good about the bra-adjust-boob-push-up action, though.

Jens looks SCANDINAVIALIZED. "TOP KNOT? I mean slicked back," he slicks it back, "Yeah, and stinky," he lifts an arm, sniffs his own pit, makes a stunned face, "Yeah. But TOP KNOT?" He points at Astrid. "I'm gonna kick your ass in Mortal Kombat tonight for that, Eriksen." He turns around just in time to smack right into Ash's pushed-up boobs. And then the rest of her. "Hey, jawline," he says, grinning. "What's cookin'?"

Astrid rolls her eyes dramatically. "Dude, you do know that I basically just hand Marius the controller when you're so drunk you don't notice anymore. Why do you think I suddenly beat your ass after like six shots of tequila?" Honesty is good between friends. Then she brightens at Ash because Ash always makes her smile, and she hands off responsibility for Jens as she goes to put in an order to the kitchen. "Tell him to sit down and lets get fries in front of him so the boss doesn't get cranky."

"Ugh, bathe more." Ash retorts as suddenly there is a Jens-shaped roadblock between her and her tips, and the boob action is going to waste. "Sit!" She plants both hands on his shoulders and starts to try and steer-push him towards an empty table, and out of the way of the one she was heading for, "I'll get you a drink, just sit and wait like a good little Viking boy."

"I'll kick his ass, too," Jens informs Astrid, pointing at her. "In fact, I'll kick everyone's ass in this room!" he exclaims. "In Mortal Kombat." He clarifies. Because there's a lot of frat-bros, among other things. Plus, he's not drunk enough to pick a fight with an entire bar. Yet. When Ash puts her hands on him, he grins, "You're always touching me!" he says. "And without my permission!" He sits where she sits him, eyes now at level with her boobs. He goes a little cross-eyed.

Astrid is only gone long enough to slap down her order ticket, give the kitchen staff some wisecrack, and then she's floating back with a content smile. She tucks her tray under her arm, gravitating into Ash's field as she returns to the pair. "Did you bring Marius? Wasn't he at the library or something?" You know. Studying.

"Next time I'll ask your permission." Ash points out, lifting a hand to pat Jens on the top of the head before she moves on as soon as Astrid is back. This is tag-team Jensitting at its best. She heads for the table, all smiles and things, gets their order and goes to put it in before she ends up heading back to the others, like she never left.

Jens lifts his head so he can nose at Ash's palm and then sticks his tongue out, panting at her. He gives Astrid a shrug. "I texted him!" Did he though? "Who knows when he'll look at his phone. You know how he is when he goes #FullNerd0." That's his hashtag for when he posts photos of Marius being a nerd on Twitter. No one tell Marius. Jens kicks his legs out and puts them on the chair across the table from the one Ash sat him down in. He sticks his arms out in front of him in Astrid's direction. "Beeeeeeeeeeeeeer." Like a zombie might say 'brains'.

Astrid offers Ash a winning smile before she looks back to Jens. "Hey!" She gives him a narrowed look, but it lacks actual heat and fire to it. "You do realize that there's like a majority of nerds living on Oak, right? I mean, we basically have almost full majority." Then she rolls her eyes and heads a few steps to the bar to get Jens a beer-- something like Bud or otherwise insulting. Because, you know, the love.

"I'm not a nerd." Ash points out cheerfully, disrupting this idea that there is a majority here, "But those two? They study all the time." She points out to Jens when Astrid has moved out of hearing range, she pulls the order pad from her pocket, starting to draw little doodles on it while she lingers at the table. It's a good attempt at looking like she's working, if no one new the difference. "So I was think that we should all head to the beach this weekend, go swimming or something while the weather is nice."

Jens lifts his arms up. "You're not a nerd! You're too hot to be a nerd!" Nice save. Too late. He shakes his head and slumps, crossing his legs at the ankles. "I thought it was the age of the geek. Why can't they just take the word back and be proud of something," he mutters to himself. "She's going to get me something disgusting, isn't she?" He sits up. "YOU CAN SPIT IN IT IF IT'S REAL BEER!" Just please, no Bud. He turns to look at Ash and blinks a bit. "I like the beach. Sounds good to me. I can swing by my parents' and get the surfboards." He does a little hang loose gesture at Ash, winking.

"I'm a nerd." Astrid has zero qualms here. She's a nerd by many definitions, academics being just one of them. The beer is dropped off-- sorry, dude, and she is tagged out by Ash as she comes in to tank Jens, and she heads over to an adorable elderly couple who are up WAAAY past their bedtime. Astrid talks warmly to them while she takes their order, only to turn and give Jens a Look. "Oh, the beach would be fun! It's hot like hell lately."

"She probably spit in the beer anyways." Ash points out, then she gestures towards the beer that he was gifted with from the kindness of Ast's heart, "That's real beer." It is beer. And it exists in reality. That makes it real. "You can bring whatever you want, though. Surfboards, coolers full of beer, Marius in a speedo." She then glances around, making sure none of her tables are in desperate need of libations. "Just not that one chick from last summer. She brayed like a donkey when she laughed."

'I'm a nerd', Jens mouths grumpily as she sets that disgusting swill in front of him. He looks at it, frowning, and then he rolls his eyes and grabs it. "You sure it classifies as beer?" he asks Ash. "You sure it's not like American cheese slices that they can't actually call it 'cheese' because it's technically not?" He takes a drink anyway. Ew. "HAH. Aw. Poor Cammie. She did bray like a donkey when she laughed." He snorts and sighs.

Nerd alert! Marius pushes his way into the bar, balancing not something cool and hip like a phone, not something 'edgy' like a skateboard, but a textbook. He probably was at the library. In deference for the heat, he's wearing a short-sleeved button-up shirt with several buttons undone, showing a little bit of chest hair over the top of his a-shirt. And his hair is pulled back in... yeah, a topknot. He's not stinky though. Well, not very stinky. It's hot outside, okay? Closing the book over his finger, he looks around for the biggest disturbance... and is shocked that it's a table of eight and not Jens. Still, he finds Jens by tracking the hotties, catching them in a tag-out. As he approaches, he goes all announcer-voice, "And there's the tag... the Blonde Bomber is in the ring now..."

"It has hops in it. Probably." Astrid is back again, but this time she actually takes a breath to relax, leaning into her hip with her tray tucked behind her. "Hey, I'm sure Cammie was a very nice girl." There's that little cute little adorbsness about Astrid, because surely Cammie is more than braying like a donkey. Then she sets her tray down on Jens's table, taking a breath just as Marius arrives. She wrinkles her nose at him. "Did Jens actually text you or are you just here?"

"Poor Cammie nothing." Ash shakes her head before she mimics the braying, loudly, and obnoxiously worse than Poor Cammie ever did on her own. This gets her a whole lot of weird looks from the patrons. But Ast is back, and the Blonde Bomber has to go check on her tables, so with a hipcheck tagging Astrid in she heads off to pick up an order to be delivered to a table, calling out on her way away from the table, "Hi Marius! Love the shirt."

"Brrrrrrrro." Jens tilts his head all the way back and looks at his brother. "Hey. Don't listen to Ash, she's just complimenting you because she wants something." He swings his head upright again and grabs the beer. Hops? Who cares. He takes another swig. "I texted him!" he repeats, insisting despite the fact he probably doesn't remember if he actually did or not.

"And the Brunette Badass is back in the ring..." because Marius is creative about many things, but nicknames are apparently not one of them. He reaches out to clap Jens on the shoulder, "Yo." Looking back to Astrid, he adds, "I'm always here..." spooky fingers and everything. He chuckles, flashing a brief smile at her, and then turns to point over to Ash as she sways off, "I heard that! You saw the stain, didn't you?" He pulls the back of the shirt around to his side to show the gnarly grass stain that managed to miss his jeans but hit his pale shirt clearly. He ughs softly, then strips straight out of the overshirt, leaving him in just the a-shirt and jeans. The stained shirt is tucked into the back of his jeans, and he reaches out for Jens's glass, then stops, his hand clearly retreating as he looks from Jens to Astrid. He smiles brightly at her, "Can I get a beer please, Ast?" He doesn't trust whatever was brought to Jens. He is wise to the ways of the Terrible Two.

"Ash!" Astrid shoves her friend's shoulder good-naturedly, but she's laughing, too. Then she shakes her head with a wry smirk for her friend, but Jens gets a full shoulder punch. Then she is taking a look at the grass stain on Marius's shirt, looking amused. "Rolled around in the lawn, huh?" Then she is turning back to the bar, flashing Jens a look with a, "Since you said 'please,' Ree." Then she is heading to the bar to get Marius something on tap.

Drinks are delivered to her table, and Ash slaps a bill on another before she moves back to the table the boys are at, "So I was just telling Jens that we should all head to the beach this weekend for a swim." Which might or might not explain why Poor Cammie had been brought up in the first place. "So don't plan to have any kind of studying to do this weekend, alright."

Jens mocks Astrid when he back is turned, 'since you said please' he mouths, and then rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Hey, we can get the surfboards out the attic. It'll be cool," Jens tells Marius, then takes another gulp of his beer. Anything Astrid's put in there is nothing Jens hasn't at some point swallowed in the past, either knowingly or not, most likely. So he doesn't give it much thought.

Marius looks over to Jens, "Please don't bring Cammie." Look, she got a reputation very quickly. Of course, his complaint isn't the laughter, but instead, "She asked if I was drawing a building." Which, Marius being Marius, would be the most obvious assumption in the world. It's also a little insulting to not have your sketched building recognized as, you know... a building at all. "I tripped, Astrid. Nothing bad. Just... roots in the sidewalk." Ash gets a faux-insulted, "I don't study every night. I just got a pony of mead in from The Honeyed Raider," a Poulsbo meadery. "I could bring that..." his eyes skip from Ash to Jens without crossing the intervening distance of Astrid, "...but then I'm damn sure not getting on surfboard." There's a pause, "But I could surf too. Been too long since I've been put in the spin cycle."

"Look, I can study at the beach," Astrid argues. But then she relents with a sigh. "But already, I'll leave the books and shit at home." She hands Marius over his beer so he can enjoy something not Bud. She has other duties she should be doing, like picking up the food under the hot lamps. But she's half distracted for a moment because she turns to Ash. "Think we should hit the mall tomorrow then?" Because, shopping. Mention of Mead has her glancing toward Marius, but there's no eye contact to be made. She actually frowns a moment before she tosses it away. "Gotta go pick up the food for table six." And then she's swept off to the kitchen to grab that food she's not forgetting.

"Ugh. Nerds." Ash laments for the nerds in the room, settling her hip against the edge of the table, her arms crossing over her chest, "But fine, if you two just have to study at the beach you can. Jens and I will go surfing, and drink all the mea....Oh! Mall." She uncrosses her arms just so that she can clap, "I need a new suit...."

"I'm not bringing Cammie. Cammie hasn't been anywhere near me almost since that damn beach trip. You guys are hella mean, man," Jens informs them. "Anyway she didn't like hanging out with you guys because everyone was like at least a foot taller than her." At the mention of mead, he slams his hands on the table a few times, going, "YES YES YES." And then he checks his phone. "Shit, I gotta go." He guzzles down the rest of his beer and slaps a few bills on the table, hopping to his feet.

"PRIIIIIIIIIIME NORDIC MEAT, RIGHT HERE, LADIES. PRIME CUT, NORSE-AMERICAN BUCK, RIGHT HERE." He points at down at his now very bicep-showing brother. "BUY HIM A BEER, WHO KNOWS WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN? ACT NOW AND YOU'LL COMPETE FOR THE CHANCE TO KEEP HIS SHIRT AFTER YOU'VE WORN IT IN THE MORNING." Jens hip-checks Ash and winks at her as he heads for the door. "DON'T DALLY, DON'T DALLY, EARLY BIRD GETS THE WORM, LADIES. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT SORT OF RIDE YOU'LL GET." If you know what he means. He blows Astrid a kiss across the room and vanishes through the doors.

Marius collects the beer in both hands, giving Astrid a grin. He takes a testing sip, flashes Jens a shit-eating grin, and then takes another sip. "Why do you have to go to the mall? You don't need new swimsuits, do you? The ones from last year were great." Poor innocent-in-many-ways Marius. And then Ash confirms, and he lets his head roll back, groaning, "Come onnnn...." He took Jens's agreement with the mead plan for granted, but he still laughs easily at his brother's agreement -- only to have the laughter cut off sharply with a wide-eyed look at the call going out across the bar. And then the laughter is back, and he pushes off his stool to reach for Jens, threatening a noogie but coming up just short in the loop of his arm. "Hey, fuck you, man! Fuck you very much." He's laughing when he says it, though, and he turns back to the elderly couple, crouching down just a touch so that he can give a ferocious flex of both arms, popping biceps and pecs.

"Poor Cammie." Then Astrid would offer more defense for the poor girl, but she's distracted first by shopping-- new swim suits!-- and then by Jens. Her eyes widen, and she steps forward to wave her hands dramatically. "No, no. Cm'on, Jens!" Then she puts her head in her hands, sighing out a hard breath that hides her little smile. She looks up in time to catch the kiss blown her way, and she scowls visibly at him. "Ass!" But it's too late because she is is glancing toward Marius in time to see the boastful display. She just puts her head down in her hands. "Oh my god..."

"And all the ladies are now going to throw themselves at him." Ash rolls her eyes at the flexing, more so at it that at Jens' comments on the way out that actually caused the flexing. One thing is the problem, one is not. She then glances at the elderly couple before she leans in Astrid's direction, whispering, "You think they are swingers?"

"We can just kind of edge this way," Astrid says, grabbing Ash by her arm to ease her to the left so that everyone has a clear look of Marius. She then tilts her head after where Jens went. "Think we're gonna get busted for that?" But then she's getting distracted by Ash's question, and she peers toward the elderly couple. Then she sputters a laugh, and grins at Ash. "You wanna go ask them?"

Marius points two fingers over to the eight-person table, winks, and then settles back into his chair, taking another sip of his beer, sweet beer. "This counts as a shirt, right? I can still get service?" And then he stops, his eyes widening at Ash and Astrid, cutting over to the elderly couple, and then back, "God I hope not."

"We can't control him." Ash points out quickly, already crafting the excuses to Easton when they eventually get yelled at for Jens and his antics. "I mean, I didn't put the words in his mouth afterall." She bats her eyes at Ast, looking as innocent as she can before laughing, a hand being held up to the pair of them before she starts to head towards the elderly couple for a quiet conversation.

"Well, we can, but it wouldn't be a fun time for anyone." Astrid would never, ever try to control Jens. That's how Ragnarok happens. But she does instead gives Marius a quick smile before she's distracted by a table, spinning off to see to their orders while Ash is off to investigate the elderly couple. She keeps casting covert glances in her direction while jotting down what the six people at table eight want.

"You don't want to put anything in Jens's mouth," Marius notes, "You never get it back." He holds up a hand with one finger folded over, "That's why they call me Marius Nine-Fingers." But then both women are off to do their actual job -- how horrible is that? So instead he ducks his head into the textbook he set down to flex, trying to figure out where he was.

Astrid is doing her job. Ash really isn't doing much of an actual job, instead she's pointing towards Marius as she talks to the older couple, sharing a few laughs with them before she writes something down on her ticket pad. Then she comes back towards the table, ripping the paper off to smack it down in from of Marius. It's a number. "They said they'd love to."