2021-01-02 - Jose Cuervo You Are Not A Friend of Mine

(TXT to Itzhak) August : I can't leave you guys alone for five seconds can I

(TXT to Ruiz) August : your boyfriend's not responding and ellie's driving so you're in luck. I need to be told all about this NYE party I missed

(TXT to August) Ruiz : Tell me how the fuck that equates to luck, Roen

(TXT to Ruiz) August : you get to tell me your version of events instead of me getting it from itzhak or cavanaugh

(TXT to August) Itzhak : oy vey why this

(TXT to Ruiz) August : seriously though. there wasn't a brawl, right? you're not on paid leave for assaulting someone in public? I've heard like five versions each one more dramatic than the last.

(TXT to Itzhak) August : something something your man flouncing hardcore something? also a marriage proposal?

(TXT to August) Itzhak : okay, look, a flounce is not inaccurate but also not totally accurate. the proposal was Cruz to Taylor

(TXT to Itzhak) August : ...wait, isn't he seeing three people or something?

(TXT to August) Itzhak : he dumped 'em all to go monogamous with Taylor

(TXT to August) Itzhak : except, uh, look I can't talk about this right now, but Javier had a real good fuckin reason for losing his shit

(TXT to Itzhak) August : mmmm. okay then. I am going to assume the, uh, highly visual exit was--right. it's fine, I don't need to know why. he and cruz clearly don't get along.

(TXT to August) Itzhak : nooo they don't.

(TXT to Ruiz) Itzhak : is Roen texting you

(TXT to Itzhak) August : (I realize it's understatement of the century here)

(TXT to August) Ruiz : My version of what events precisely? what brawl?

(TXT to Itzhak) August : well apart from THAT I assume everyone's NYE was fine?

(TXT to Ruiz) August : your boyfriend clued me in. I mean, you know, about what actually happened. let's just say the revisionist isn't the only one who likes to make up dramatic shit.

(TXT to August) Itzhak : if you want to know the truth I wish we'd stayed in. it was awkward as fuck. How was yours?

(TXT to Itzhak) August : it was pretty great; the recital went off without a hitch. I recorded it for you. we had a prime rib that was to die for.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ruiz : Of course he fucking is, what's this about me being on paid leave for assault

(TXT to August) Itzhak : that would have been WAY BETTER

(TXT to Ruiz) August : anyways sorry to hear your NYE out was unideal, you three should come over and we'll have some good food. a re-do

(TXT to Ruiz) August : if I am to understand the game of telephone correctly, you were offended a bartender said something about the wall and tried to serve you cuervo

(TXT to August) Itzhak : ahh I wanna play with Racheleh again, that was so much fun

(TXT to Ruiz) Itzhak : uh apparently someone thinks that you got in a knock down drag out with Cruz?

(TXT to Ruiz) Itzhak : and told Roen? I set him straight

(TXT to Ruiz) Itzhak : I hardly know, these stupid rumors

(TXT to Ruiz) August : don't tell me you haven't thrown a punch over being served shitty tequila btw I won't believe you

(TXT to August Ruiz) Itzhak : okay now I can talk to you both at the same flippin time

(TXT to August Ruiz) Itzhak : wait, someone told you ...what? start over

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak) August : something along the lines of, a bartender insulted de la vega, and you punched the bartender, and the bartender punched Dante, and then someone (Cruz I guess?) punched the bartender again, except his biker friends were there as waiters and added in.

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz) August : look I got this from thoma who got it from someone else who got it from someone who was likely drunk and high most of the night so maybe they embelished

(TXT to August Ruiz) Itzhak : shit, if that actually happened I'd have no complaints

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz) August : I figured not. but I also figured you might need some bail money. so none of that happened?

(TXT to August Ruiz) Itzhak : dude if that happened I'da been texting you like 'holy shit I just went to the BEST party'

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz) August : my text to you was a precursor to 'how dare you not send me ANY pictures I thought we were friends'

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak) August : ellie's glad none of you got arrested though. (so am I, obviously, she just told me to pass this along.)

(TXT to August Itzhak) Ruiz : The fuck I need Rosencrantz to save my ass in a fight

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak) August : it's not about saving you it's about not letting someone say shit about you

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak) August : I promise you if someone opened their trap about me Ellie's knock their teeth out.

(TXT to August Itzhak) Ruiz : Wait what did this bartender say about me

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : yeah I'm glad I didn't get arrested too, I hate the drunk tank. you can never get the smell out of your clothes after

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz) August : something about the wall and why you're the chief

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : yeah I'd a popped him one but actually he was nice

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak) August : do you ever feel like Veil is treating us like a game of sims, setting us up to attack one another?

(TXT to August Itzhak) Ruiz : If I had a quarter for every dipshit and their asinine comments about the wall

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak) August : you could probably pay to build it yourself

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : I dunno, has anybody been put in a swimming pool with a ladder that then mysteriously disappeared

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz) August : that could describe half those constructs we've wound up in

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : ...what's your point??

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz) August : I may not have one. just that when these kinds of rumors start I now wonder if it's not more of that revisionist crap

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz) August : you know, she gets bored, spins up a story about you guys trashing sitka on nye

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : oh, uh, actually that's a pretty good point.

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : if so, though, first rumor I've heard that's better than reality, which was shit was just awkward.

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : BUT, that wasn't Taylor's fault. He had everything rocking along like a pro. The food and drinks were fucking fantastic. Place looked amazing.

(TXT to August Itzhak) Ruiz : The party was fine. I'm sorry I threw a wrench in his big night.

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : exactly none of that was your fault

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz) August : de la vega of the people on this text convo you are the one person I wouldn't expect to do it. you have a sense of decorum. you might not always listen to it, but it's there

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz) August : not gonig to name names but other people we're talking with do not

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : EXCUSE ME how dare you

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz) August : am I wrong? can you tell me I am without lying

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : I can tell you you're a schmuck without lying

(TXT to August Itzhak) Ruiz : I think he just called you a schmuck, Roen

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz) August : that's just yiddish for 'right'

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : ugh you are impossible, you smug bastard. shut the fuck up and tell me how your family is

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz) August : they're doing good. eliza's thinking of colleges. maybe caltech if she can get a scholarship, but the place is a fucking boilerroom

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak) August : gabby's more and more into computer things lately. she wanted to take a programming class this year, not sure if her school has one so Zelda's looking for an online or tutor option

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : awwww that's great, glad they're doing good. okay now I feel bad about telling you to shut up.

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak) August : how about your girls, how they all doing back in nyc. de la vega has this guy been a decent roommate or do you need to stow him in the goat shed

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : roommate?! now I don't feel bad anymore

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : they're doing great, Mireleh's gonna be in second grade, man she's growing up fast. Naomi's still in remission. Ma's doing fine.

(TXT to August Itzhak) Ruiz : He does the dishes and takes the garbage out without running his mouth too much about it, so I guess I can't complain

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : oh somebody's in trouble tonight

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak) August : miri'll be kicking your ass in overwatch before you know it. glad to hear the cancer's fucked off for now.

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak) August : well let me know if you ever need help explaining to him how to properly keep a house, he's probably a foul bachelor frog

(TXT to August Itzhak) Ruiz : A what?

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : oh you're cruising for a bruising, Roen

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak) August : a guy who has no idea how to live like a person

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak) August : bring it

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak) August : it is POSSIBLE that the reason Ellie is driving is I hit some nog and rum before we headed out. reports are unconfirmed.

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : please, if my old place was disgusting, you think de la Vega would ask me to live with him? he's got standards

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : uh HUH, look not for nothing but that's a little obvious

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak) August : eh he was a marine he knows how to whip someone into shape. long as there's raw material to work with.

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : don't talk about whipping me into shape Roen it turns me on

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz) August : oh lord. I'm just giving you two ideas aren't I. didn't intend for those boxers to be so accurate but here we are

(TXT to August Itzhak) Ruiz : If you think that's anything I haven't come up with on my own, Roen, you don't know me very well

(TXT to Ruiz August) Itzhak : those boxers are accurate af and you know it

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz) August : I didn't say new ideas, I said ideas. reminders, we'll call them