2021-06-05 - The Bad Touch (Also, Gremlins Suck)

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : So, at which point do I get to punch a woman in the teeth when she fucking won't stop touching me?

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : ... Hi August. I think I hit the wrong contact. You wanted to know this, clearly.

(TXT to Ravn Itzhak) August : generally when someone wants a consultation about women it's how to GET them to touch you

(TXT to Ravn Itzhak) August : but you're in luck I'm laid up at home for a couple days so I can give youall kinds of wrong afvice

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : who??

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Yes, er, well, with my condition -- people touching me randomly is not so fantastic. But I think this chick thinks I'm just trying to play hard to get in a kind of pathetic way.

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : also why are you laid up Roen

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : I can't answer this until I know who's with the touching

(TXT to Ravn Itzhak) August : SHIT that's right sorry I forgot. well uh i guess when it hurts punching is reasonable?? mauybe one warning

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : [a picture of august's head, with a rather lovely stitched wound on his plainly now undercut hair, it was probably a big gouge]

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Bennett. She loves the idea of picking a fight with me, or she wants me to flirt with her, or both, I'm not even sure.

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : .. The fuck?

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : oh, her. you can like, escalate to punching real fast

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : wait she's the ada maybe not

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : would ruiz have to arrest you????????? that could get awkward

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : For what, resisting touches?

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Now tell us what fucking happened to your head, this is somewhat more important.

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : fprnp for punching her. fuck these painkillers kick in fast.

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : one of those little gremlib bastard's shot me in the head. near the head. ...something. cavanaugh patched me up.

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : holy fuck your head

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : okay well tbh i'd yell at her first before punches. like didn't i tell you to keep your fucking hands off me

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : those fucking gremlins man they shot me a bunch too

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : oh yeah yelling, that's a good start

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : they shut you??? when???? well now I don't feel bad about blowing then up

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : it didn't do anything, Hya rang their little bells for them. but it was at the hardware store. they jerried up a bunch of projectile weapons

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : it was like uhhh six or seven of them all shot me but they couldn't aim too good, just scraped me. if they could aim though they would have fucked me up

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : I've seen those little shits kill a dozen people, good riddance

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : knocked over an aisle of paint cans on em

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : they dissolved into gunk

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Was this at the lighthouse? Cavanaugh was telling some Irish guy about something

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : my head is living proof of that. that tower? it's theirs. don't go in it alone, okay. there's some kind of machine. or.lock

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : nah it was at the hardware store run by those nice old lesbians. who I apologized to and spent a few days cleaning the place up

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : We blew up a machine of theirs

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : industrious little fuckers aint they

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : lighthouse!@ yeah that thing. sorry it felt like a tower. there wasn't a door, cavanaugh had to open one

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Somewhat more serious than my ada issues, yes

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : buddy nobody gets to touch you without your permission

(TXT to Ravn Itzhak) August : scuse you the ada issue is important too. I got to blow up my problem you don't grey that option

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Tell that to her, she thinks I tried to grab her boobs

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : hahahahaha no she fuckin doesnt

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : is she aware of how preposterous that is. shot my swipe got that first try

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : .... I think it was Isi who actually did, it was dark

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : ...what exactly happened

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : what, where you playing spin the bottle

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : do kids still play that

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : adults still do, hell I have pictures sonewhere

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Some creature covered us in darkness, tried to eat a guy, boob grabs apparently occurred

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : but I was drubk

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : that story isn't as cool as I was hoping it would be

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : YES when I was just fucking bex and before we were going out that happened in uhhh I'm kind of drunk, that building Thorne owns

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : de la vega blew a hole a mile wide in a big one

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : you grabbed her boobs in the dark?

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : wow that sounded like something totally different happened

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : no, i like the lights on

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Look, if I decide to grab boob I will ask first

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : a mechanics gotta see what he's doing

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : so some creature is making it dark and eating people and boobs were accident fly grabbed

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Yeah

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : yeah I think that covers it

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : take that, painkillers

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : okay but back to the ADA does she have a crush on you or WHAT abildgaard

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Anyhow, Bennett wants a fight

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : yeah a sexy fight

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : No, she has a crush on arguments

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : And a notion like so many other women, that a single guy must be desperate

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Also, kill gremlins on sight

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : women don't think that bro

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Sure they do

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : no they either think a single guy is up for grabs or they just ignore him

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : First thing most women hurry to tell me is that they are not looking, or that I am not their type, whatevs.

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : I prefer ignored, then we can go on to having an actual conversation

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Are you going to be okay, Røn?

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : yeah I get girls telling me they got a boyfriend if I try to tell em that they dropped their wallet, but they do that because so many guys are fuckboys. they just don't wanna be hassled, they don't know anything about you, girls just get hassled a lot. like a LOT

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Yup

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : that's from all the guys who assume a woman looking at him us an invite

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : ada is doing some real hair pulling here

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Main reason I don't approach women much until they approach me, saves me having to give the actually I don't care about your ass speech

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : well tell her to knock her shit off with the touching you, that ain't ok

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : eventually but I need my phone to stop trying to correct your name to each

(TXT to August Ravn) Itzhak : haha you're so high Roen

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : I did tell her I have neuropathy, I think she just thinks I am trying to be coy.

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : yeah tell her you don't need your hair pulled this isn't the third fucking grade she can text you or but you a coffee like a.proeor adulr

(TXT to August Ravn) Itzhak : seriously if she likes you she oughta just say so

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : I told her to get back to me if she wanted an actual conversation.

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : elite wouldn't let me FedEx the animals today was afraid I'd fall

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : She doesn't

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : Roen please type real words

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : elite++fuck. Ellie wouldn't let me feed the animals. there

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : She wants me to yell at her, it has nothing to do with me

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : that's weird. or pathological

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : I think it is a self image thing. She wants to fight with men, buddy up with women.

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : she sure fights with de la Vega

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Probably has baggage but I am not whatever guy hurt her.

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : eh that's fair

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : tell her that. only be in Car maybe with the window only partially open

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Haha

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : you should totally tell her that it'll be awesome

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Whether I think she is hot does seem to be a recurring issue.

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : she IS hot

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : in a ice queen bitch kinda way

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Also, she thinks gremlins is code for something, I think, but she doesn't shine so it's tricky

(TXT to August Ravn) Itzhak : god she doesn't does she? how the fuck does she get along in this town?

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Eh... I honestly haven't paid much attention, it's not like it's relevant

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Where I am from, short and blond is the default

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : wait she doesn't

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : shine, I mean...shit I guess I didn't notice. or I forgot percocet makes me forget literally everything

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : nah she doesn't. shot a monster, though

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : No shine, part of why she thinks I am a beach bum who makes up shit to get her attention

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : does she think we all latp or whatever it's called

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Yes

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : townwide roleplaying makes perfect fucking sense

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Yeah she thinks I am this lonely bleeding heart fool who runs a charity to meet girls, I think

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : well okay to be fair that explains why she has a totally wrong idea of you

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Yes, but it is still a pain in the ass

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Half the guys in this town would love having some little blonde come at them, of course she picks the one guy to fight with who doesn't want to fight

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Want to meet her?,😂

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : maybe that's it

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : she sees you bit doing the usual schtick, figures you gave some other angle

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : is dugong l during is dying to NGOs shaft it is

(TXT to August Ravn) Itzhak : hell yes I wanna eat her

(TXT to August Ravn) Itzhak : MEET HER

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Knock yourself out, I don't date.

(TXT to August Ravn) Itzhak : it was swype! Im drunk!

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : I even told her that.

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : I have no idea what you just said, Røn

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : swype and meds two great tastes that do not go great together

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : I am trying to say she might see you doing what looks like not the usual thing and assumes you have some other angle and is trying to get you to use it on her

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Charity to meet chicks. God, how pathetic do I look to people.

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : you don't, it's an easy assumption to make

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : also a lot of guys ARE desperate so

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : No argument there.

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : okay...meds address are really kicking in now...gonna nap here on the floor

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Wish she would find one of them to shoulder punch though 😀

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : ... get to bed.

(TXT to August Ravn) Itzhak : you're not pathetic wtf? get in bed Roen, do I have to call Ellie

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Seriously, don't sleep on the floor

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : floor closer

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : You'll hurt more in the morning

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : your hip will kill you if you sleep on that floor roen. ROEN. ROEN GO TO BED

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : IM YELLING AT YOU THROUGH THE INTERNET

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : ugh you'll keep making my phone buzz won't you

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Yes

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : A

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Lot

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : you're too high to remember how to turn it off lol

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Until

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : You

(TXT to Itzhak Ravn) August : this is really not fair

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : GO

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : TO

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Go

(TXT to Ravn August) Itzhak : BED

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : To

(TXT to Itzhak August) Ravn : Bed

(TXT to Ravn Itzhak) August : [eventually, a picture of a rather worse for wear looking August lying in bed with his tabby laying on him]