2020-11-13 - Butter Makes Everything Better

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : I have been thinking about many things, waffletacos and Gilligans, and moral relativism. Do you think that a deepfried waffletaco would sell even if it came with a side of utilitarianism??

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : If they can sell deep fried butter, I say yes!

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : How could you not sell deep fried butter? I love butter. I love fried things. Together? Yesyesyes.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : I'm no culinary expert but I'd say a doctor that does artery stuff would say no.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : But I said yes THREE TIMES and that beats one no. I could murder some deep fried butter right now. With my mouth. I would murder it with my mouth. And maybe a fork. Do you have butter?

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : Have you seen mine and E's fridge? The only thing to murder right now is pre-pepped meals and this secret drawer of chocolate I have in the bathroom that he hasn't discovered because it's under my tampoons.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : Are they good meals? I went through the icecream when we invented waffletacos and soup takes too much effort.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : Tampooons are like tampons but harpoons for your poon.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : chicken and rice and vege....zzzzzz

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : That sounds dangerous and painful. But I guess if you have to hunt for those particular whales, you need to come prepped with the right sort of equipment. I probably wouldn't search under them either, though, so I do not blame Easton for failing to find your emergency stash.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : Easton made those, didn't he?

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : The tampoons?

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : nooo, the meals. If he made the tampoons, I have questions.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : eeevery week.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : It sounds very healthy.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : SO HEALTHY.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : But right now healthy isn't scratchignn my itch.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : Tell him no. No health. Just fat and fried bits and MOTHERFUCKING CHOCOLATE.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : DEEPRFIRED BUTTER!

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : With chocolate. Now I want chocolate.

(TXT to Easton) Bennie : Deal. Now we need the butter. And a deep fryer. And maybe a carnival to serve it to us. OOOH A CARNIVAL.

(TXT to Easton) Bennie : Whoops, that was for Alexander.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : Deal. Now we need the butter. And a deep fryer. And maybe a carnival to serve it to us. OOOH A CARNIVAL.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : No, no carnival. Carnivals have clowns. They ruin the butter.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : A clownless carnival. Just with midget horses and scary rides held together with a pin and games that are rigged. Okay, no carnival, just fried butter.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : Yes. Just fried butter. I was thinking of cleaning out the casino, thinking of rigged games. I am a son of a bitch of a poker player when I want to be. We could have ALL THE BUTTER.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : Alexander the card shark. Can I be your arm candy?

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : Sure. Your dress should be very shiny. And maybe it could have little suns on it, too.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : I do love sunshine! Let's eat fried butter and roll around in the sunshine like cats.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : Ohhh, that sounds lovely. I want all the sunshine and the butter, and I like the way grass FEELS. I love the way things FEEL. There's so many interesting textures and bumps and swirls and edges.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : Must seriously suck not to like to touch things.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : I love to touch things.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : I know, poor Ravn.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : He has a neurological impariment. I think he'd like to touch things, he just haas to be very very very very very careful.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : I was going to touch him and then Easton came back and now I don't have to worry about it.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : Ohhhh, you liiiiked him? He's very likable.

(TXT to Easton) Bennie : Shush! It never became a Thing.

(TXT to Easton) Bennie : Witha capital t so you know I'm for serious

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Ruiz) Bennie : DAMMIT. Fart. That was for Alexander. Again. Uh. Hi baby!

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Ruiz) Bennie : I am so not good at texging.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : OMG MY FREAKING GOD

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : I SENT MY RESPONSE TO EASTON.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : AND THEN ITZHAK, RUIZ AND EASTON.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : Oh. Oh. That's not great.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : butter. All the butter. now.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : I will demand extra butter from the world!

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : Ravn and I never became a thing. He didn't think we had a thing. So it was never a thing.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : That's okay. It would have been okay if you had become a thing, too.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : Easton already knew about the almost thing that was not a thing. But ruiz and itzhak didn't need to know.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : They didn't, but it's not like Javier has any room to critique complicated romantic decisions, and Itzhak won't care. You're a good.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : At least I didnt' send you to towel photo. Let's just OD on deep fried butter.

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : There was a towel photo? I guess that was supposed to go to Easton? ::wide grin emoji:: And deep fried butter sounds

(TXT to Bennie) Alexander : Actually, I don't know how it sounds. I'm not sure how it works. I've never actually had it.

(TXT to Alexander) Bennie : It went to Itzhak and Ruiz too, who are most definitely not getting married and Ruiz used SO MANY SWEAR WORDS.

(TXT to Bennie Ruiz) Alexander : Javier, don't swear at Bennie. be good.

(TXT to Alexander Ruiz) Bennie : OMG ALEXANDER

(TXT to Ruiz Bennie) Alexander : What?

(TXT to Alexander Ruiz) Bennie : EAT YOUR BUTTER

(TXT to Ruiz Bennie) Alexander : But I don't have any butter. I can only eat the idea of butter, and ideas are not comfortable for snacking. But Javier can cook, which means he can make us both deeep fried butter.

(TXT to Ruiz Alexander Itzhak Easton) Bennie : My phone is on silent now. Wake me up when the haze is gone. Bring chocolate.

(TXT to Alexander Bennie) Ruiz : Fuck off Alexander

(TXT to Alexander Bennie) Ruiz : And no, I'm not making deep fried butter. that's just buttered butter

(TXT to Bennie Ruiz) Alexander : bennie ruiz=(...)

(TXT to Bennie Ruiz) Alexander : (...)

(TXT to Bennie Ruiz) Alexander : That's mean.

(TXT to Bennie Ruiz) Alexander : And there's nothing wrong with buttered butter.

(TXT to Bennie Ruiz) Alexander : I'm hungry, and buttered butter sounds delicious.

(TXT to Alexander Bennie) Ruiz : You said not to swear at Bennie. so I swore at you instead.

(TXT to Bennie Ruiz) Alexander : I don't see why you have to swear at anyone. You said I was your BFF!

(TXT to Bennie Alexander) Ruiz : what's your point.

(TXT to Bennie Ruiz) Alexander : I don't think you should tell your BFF to fuck off. What if I did. Then you'd be sad. Maybe.

(TXT to Bennie Alexander) Ruiz : I think you're too uptight. isn't being high supposed to make you less uptight? You need to be more high.

(TXT to Bennie Alexander) Ruiz : I've got to go. Talk to you later. don't eat fried butter. that's nasty.

(TXT to Bennie Ruiz) Alexander : I don't think I can get more high. And I'm not uptight. Goodbye.