2020-11-13 - Pro Kilt, Anti Dress

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : You ever just want to roll around in a tub of frosting?

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : fuck. I want to do that RIGHT FUCKING NOW

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : music is so fucking amazing when I'm high, so I have that going for me, which is nice

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : how's by you, hot stuff?

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : I know right?!

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : I feel high as balls and think I've eaten more calories in the last day than the prior month combined.

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : hey good, you're too skinny

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : look who's talking I feel like your actual legs look like my fakie.

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : haaa fuck you

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : i'm sensitive about my legs okay marshall???? jk only a little. i make up for it by being hot af

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : This is true. And apparently pulling serious amounts of ass.

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : girlfriend i'm a tank, it's my job to pull. ...what do you mean tho

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : Werent you dating like three, four people at once? that's studballs

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : haha, three. two of em left me though

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : which aint a surprise given what a fuckup I am, de la vega kept me but we're kind of perfectly disastrous together

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : yes but a very fuckable hot screwup. that's key

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : the girls left me and he stayed, i mean i'm just saying, it's because women have sense

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : shit you're making me blush. that's my tragic downfall, i run my mouth then someone calls me on it

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : they left gh too, which does bode well for their judgement

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : right?? see, i like smart girls.

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : i feel like i'm implying something about bennie rn but i'm not, i swear. how's she doing? how you guys doing?

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : bennie's way smarter than I am, and works twice as hard as I ever have, except maybe in boot

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : we're good. navigating me being back, but good

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : good. glad to hear it

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : you and gunny ok? besides being being individual and combined hot messes?

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : (...) yeah. yeah we're good. he's stressed the fuck out from this interim chief stuff.

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : yeah, i can see that.

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : I love that guy so much, Marshall. so fucking much

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : that's great man. for both of you

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : it's great but now i feel weird about gushing about him, lets go back to talking about frosting

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : i have never been a fan of food + sex, just saying, it's never that sexy

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : I like them both, together not so much.

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : which reminds about isabella possibly buying edible panties? which is hilarious, but again, in practice not so sexy

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : agree, always seems like a way better idea than it is, and it never seems like that good an idea

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : what

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : this was a thing. i think. my head's foggy

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : WHAT

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : now i have to think about her in edible panties trying to get alexander to go downtown THANKS

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : remember that time you were hung up on Clayton?

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : what, you think that was a sarcastic thanks??

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : ha!

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : nah i'm not anymore but he's still real cute

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : i'm hung up pretty fucking thoroughly on de la Vega

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : of that couple, Clayton wouldn't be the one i'd pick. But thinking of Izzy like that makes me feel like a dirty sister fucker now..

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : hahahah that's what you get

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : be honest, you ever think about throwing it to de la vega again?

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : what kind of answer you lookin for here Rosencratz?

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : not asking you if you wanna actually do it. just if you think about it ever.

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : you got one freebie because we weren't official yet

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : that was hardly a freebie, gunny and I both paid deeply for the fuckup

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : ehhhhhhh fair

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : ok, ok, sorry for tweaking you about it, it's the being stoned as fuck

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : he's the last dude i've been with so yes. and probably not just that. I don't know if that's weird to say?

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : nah it's not weird. what else?

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : I still really miss tom

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : fuck, let's go back to talking about frosting, i'm gonna get all mopey

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : yeah okay, so, frosting, right?

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : remember when Joey Kelly jumped out of a cake for Alexander's birthday

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : and Alexander almost stabbed him, way I hear it, fucking hilarious

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : It was! I mean, poor Alexander he was really tripped, which obviously I get now. but man Kelly puts on a show

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : bastard looks better in a dress than I do

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : it's all the boxing, the work in heels was impressive tho

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : oh I can work heels. just too damn skinny, he fills it out way better

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : I have no shot with the prosthetic

(TXT to Easton) Itzhak : yeah not without an ass ton of practice, at least, who's got the time? you look great as is though, don't need to tart yourself up

(TXT to Itzhak) Easton : yeah, I'm not super into dudes in dresses. Kilts maybe

(TXT to Bennie) Easton : I couldn't pull of heels. Itzhak and I agree.

(TXT to Easton Bennie) Itzhak : never wore one, you think I'd look good?

(TXT to Easton Bennie) Itzhak : oh uh hey there sunshine!

(TXT to Itzhak Bennie) Easton : A kilt. yes. A dress? Ask Bennie?

(TXT to Bennie Easton) Itzhak : kilt. I know I look fucking smashing in a dress

(TXT to Itzhak Bennie) Easton : HA

(TXT to Easton Itzhak) Bennie : Hey there buttercups.

(TXT to Easton Itzhak) Bennie : I say yes to the dress.

(TXT to Easton Itzhak) Bennie : Why....are we talking about this?

(TXT to Easton Itzhak) Bennie : OMG ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?

(TXT to Itzhak Bennie) Easton : Plz text Gunny your congratulations immediately benz

(TXT to Easton Bennie) Itzhak : omfg i'm not getting married in a dress

(TXT to Bennie Easton) Itzhak : DO NOT DO THAT BENZ

(TXT to Ruiz Easton Itzhak) Bennie : CONGRATULATIONS! :party horn emoji:

(TXT to Bennie Easton) Itzhak : WHAT DID I JUST SAY. I SAID DONT DO THAT.

(TXT to Itzhak Easton) Bennie : Oh whoopsie! Was it a surprise? I was in another window.

(TXT to Itzhak Easton Ruiz) Bennie : Please disregard, I wasn't supposed to tell you that Itzhak is getting married to you in a dress.

(TXT to Easton Bennie) Itzhak : we aren't getting married! there is no surprise omfg

(TXT to Easton Itzhak) Bennie : So no dress?

(TXT to Bennie Easton Ruiz) Itzhak : please ignore her she's high

(TXT to Easton Itzhak) Bennie : I was already picking out swatches :sadface emoji:

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Ruiz) Bennie : UR FACE IS HIGH.

(TXT to Itzhak Easton) Bennie : I'm guessing you're an off-white kinda gal.

(TXT to Easton Bennie Ruiz) Itzhak : we're all fucking high, Oakes

(TXT to Easton Ruiz Itzhak) Bennie : Then why aren't you in my tub?

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz Bennie) Easton : Wait can I be in this tub too?

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz Easton) Bennie : Aren't you already? Oh. Nope. Hi!

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Bennie) Ruiz : I have a loaded firearm in my hand turn off the fucking caps lock

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz Bennie) Easton : hot

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz Easton) Bennie : Get that man a Snickers bar, stat.

(TXT to Itzhak Ruiz Bennie) Easton : I could demo like three of those right now

(TXT to Easton Ruiz Bennie) Itzhak : ain't he though?? but i'm not wearing a wedding dress. wedding suit is where its at. one of them fuckin embroidered numbers

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Bennie) Ruiz : The fuck's a wedding suit

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Bennie) Ruiz : That like a tux?

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak Easton) Bennie : You'll find out on the big day, big guy!

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Bennie) Ruiz : What big day? We're not getting married until I damned well say we are

(TXT to Easton Ruiz Bennie) Itzhak : it's a suit, except super fancy. and embroidered. with stuff. like the one Roen wore

(TXT to Ruiz) Easton : wait what?

(TXT to Easton) Ruiz : what what

(TXT to Ruiz) Easton : wtf married when you say so what

(TXT to Easton Ruiz Bennie) Itzhak : well i'm blushing now thanks

(TXT to Ruiz Easton Bennie) Bennie : I can embroider!

(TXT to Bennie Ruiz Itzhak) Easton : And bedazzle

(TXT to Easton) Ruiz : I don't fucking know what's even going on here, let me put my gun away before I shoot my balls off

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak Easton) Bennie : YEEEEESS.

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak Easton) Bennie : Oops, sorry, don't shoot the puppy.

(TXT to Ruiz Easton Bennie) Itzhak : bedazzling fuck yeah

(TXT to Ruiz) Easton : For everyone's sake yes. I don't need bennie getting a call out to try and salvage your nuts

(TXT to Ruiz) Easton : especially rightnow

(TXT to Easton Bennie Itzhak) Ruiz : Right, okay, nobody's getting married, least of all me. to anyone. right now. I need, I'm not

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Bennie) Ruiz : (furious typing and backspacing)

(TXT to Ruiz Easton Itzhak) Bennie : Then why are the boys picking out dresses?

(TXT to Easton) Ruiz : Why are you doing this to me

(TXT to Easton Ruiz Bennie) Itzhak : we were talking about Joey Kelly in a dress for fuck's sake

(TXT to Easton Ruiz Bennie) Itzhak : and how he's way hotter than me

(TXT to Itzhak Easton Ruiz) Bennie : I think everyone is protesting too much.

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Ruiz) Bennie : If i was a mover, you all would be my barbies. Or ken dolls. That make out.

(TXT to Easton Bennie Ruiz) Itzhak : well thank fucking christ for small favors

(TXT to Ruiz) Easton : I'm not. well kind of I set bennie on it but she came up with the marriage thing, not me.

(TXT to Itzhak Easton Ruiz) Bennie : You'd love it don't lie.

(TXT to Bennie Ruiz Itzhak) Easton : and to be clear, I'm pro-kilts, anti-dress.

(TXT to Bennie Ruiz Easton) Itzhak : and I never wore a kilt. okay now you're caught up. hope we all enjoyed this bonding exercise

(TXT to Bennie) Easton : the real question is why am i not in the bathtub with you? can we actually have water this time tho?

(TXT to Bennie) Easton : And if you keep talking about me making out with guys I'm going to get ideas here babe

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Bennie) Ruiz : How the fuck should I know? I get done with this fucking domestic, and there's a CONGRATULATIONS on getting married on my goddamned phone

(TXT to Itzhak Easton Ruiz) Bennie : K, I'm dropping out. Gnight boys.

(TXT to Easton) Bennie : More fuel for our bubble filled fire. Starting the hot water now.

(TXT to Ruiz) Itzhak : come on home, I'll take real good care of you, yeah?

(TXT to Bennie) Easton : You lost me, but I'm game

(TXT to Itzhak) Ruiz : yeah, I'm on my way. I'll just bring this paperwork home with me.

(TXT to Easton Bennie Ruiz) Itzhak : gnight you crazy kids

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Ruiz) Bennie : :img file - Bennie in a towel:

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Ruiz) Bennie : OMG BURN THAT AND BURN YOUR EYES OUT BURN YOUR PHONE

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Ruiz) Easton : That towel better be fucking staying on Oakes

(TXT to Bennie) Easton : That towel better be fucking staying on Oakes

(TXT to Easton) Bennie : Until you take it off, bb.

(TXT to Easton Bennie Ruiz) Itzhak : ...you're not getting anything from me

(TXT to Bennie) Easton : with my teeth preferably

(TXT to Easton) Bennie : preferably

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Bennie) Ruiz : If you think that's the most compromising position I've ever seen a girl in, you've vastly underestimated the number of women I've fucked

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Ruiz) Bennie : Not my cookies!

(TXT to Bennie Itzhak Ruiz) Easton : blah blah studcakes. We get it old man, keep it in your pants.

(TXT to Ruiz) Itzhak : ...kinda getting me going hearing you talk about how many women you fucked

(TXT to Bennie) Easton : What never became a Thing, capital t or otherwise?

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Bennie) Ruiz : Did you just call me old man, short stuff?

(TXT to Ruiz Bennie Easton) Itzhak : ::popcorn emoji::

(TXT to Bennie Itzhak Ruiz) Easton : yes. Obviously but I should have gone with old man whore. what do you have notches in your bedpost?

(TXT to Itzhak) Ruiz : You know at one point I literally put notches on my bedpost. thought I was all that. such a fucking loser.

(TXT to Ruiz) Itzhak : shit, that's so macho.

(TXT to Ruiz) Itzhak : I'da slugged you if you brought me home and there were notches in your bedpost

(TXT to Ruiz) Itzhak : ...totally still woulda fucked you though

(TXT to Easton Itzhak Bennie) Ruiz : the fuck crawled up your ass tonight anyway, Marshall? get the fuck out of my face and go have a bubble bath with your girlfriend

(TXT to Ruiz) Easton : Would it have fucking killed you to just say no when I asked if you slept with Bennie while I was gone? Like a normal fucking person for once? Fuck off with this being my problem. You're the asshole here.

(TXT to Itzhak) Ruiz : I'd have probably deserved it

(TXT to Ruiz Alexander Itzhak Easton) Bennie : My phone is on silent now. Wake me up when the haze is gone. Bring chocolate.

(TXT to Ruiz Itzhak Easton Bennie) Alexander : Bennie no. 🙁 We were talking about butter!

(TXT to Ruiz Alexander Itzhak Easton) Bennie : I don't nee dthe world to know i wanted to shag ravn.

(TXT to Ruiz Alexander Itzhak Easton) Bennie : GDI

(TXT to Ruiz Alexander Bennie Easton) Itzhak : jesus fucking christ marshall take her phone away before she says something ELSE

(TXT to Bennie Ruiz Itzhak) Easton : And I'm coming to take your phone. Good night boys.

(TXT to Ruiz Bennie Easton Itzhak) Alexander : I'm sorry. I can't erase their memories. I can try, if you want.

(TXT to Easton) Ruiz : I thought it was fucking obvious that I wouldn't have done that to you. shouldn't have needed to be said.

(TXT to Ruiz) Easton : maybe, but the i'll fuck your gf if I want to was way the hell over the line asshole

(TXT to Easton) Ruiz : What? I didn't say that, the fuck are you talking about?

(TXT to Ruiz) Easton : In the cabin, in the kitchen.

(TXT to Bennie) Itzhak : I already knew anyway. it's okay. ain't nobody gonna blame you, sunny.

(TXT to Easton) Ruiz : That is not what I said

(TXT to Itzhak) Bennie : I blame me.

(TXT to Itzhak) Bennie : Wait, how did you know? Did Easton tell you?

(TXT to Bennie) Itzhak : you don't gotta blame you. nah. saw your shoes at his boat.

(TXT to Itzhak) Bennie : I do have cute shoes.

(TXT to Ruiz) Easton : Whatever it was, I need it unsaid Gunny.

(TXT to Bennie) Itzhak : super fuckin cute

(TXT to Easton) Ruiz : I don't remember what I said, but it sure as fuck wasn't that

(TXT to Itzhak) Bennie : Point is moot. That's a fun word. Moot. Mooooooot. Moot.

(TXT to Ruiz) Easton : I asked if you were fuckin Bennie, you said you wouldn't have waited for me to go to do it. That was shitty. Like next level shit stain. I get that you're hard. Semper Fi and all that shit, but not that. Not there.

(TXT to Bennie) Itzhak : god, not you too, Alexander was going betbetbet at me earlier. bet means daughter in hebrew, it was weird

(TXT to Bennie) Itzhak : put down the phone and let ya man take care of you, would you already

(TXT to Itzhak) Bennie : He's not hooooome yet. Just waiting for the squeal of tires and ignoring Alexander and Ruiz bickering.

(TXT to Bennie) Itzhak : awwww, the two of them are adorable

(TXT to Easton) Ruiz : I didn't.. fuck. I didn't mean it like that

(TXT to Easton) Ruiz : I wouldn't steal your goddamned girl, you know I wouldn't

(TXT to Ruiz) Easton : ok

(TXT to Easton) Ruiz : I'm sorry

(TXT to Ruiz) Easton : ty, I appreciate that. Really.

(TXT to Ruiz) Easton : I'm sure my mouth has crossed lines too. But that one wasn't going away.

(TXT to Easton) Ruiz : (....)

(TXT to Easton) Ruiz : You've said some pretty fucking hurtful things

(TXT to Itzhak) Bennie : Adorable with a lot of cuss words. I think there will be make up butter.

(TXT to Itzhak) Bennie : There's the jeep! TTYL.